I have noticed
 That in all the time that I have to " grow up" You really don't do it. More you get this strange idea about the world. Many see it as maturity and simply things like that. I think real people notice that you can work in all the things people think are mature while enjoying life. That is when you have truly grown up. 

As of the last week a person I mentioned before, has come back to everyone around me. All the friends I gave him, but I am not one of them. Because I treat him like shit. Because I am too harsh. Because I am my self. 

I understand that this is just the sides of he said she said. I personally don't want to annoy my friends with this stupid problem. I rather he not be in my life or be in it. Not dancing around like a tipy toed coward. 

This is not the case I do not get what I want. 

He said I treat him like shit, Because I do not believe in fleeting dreams, I don't believe them until they are laid out. He thinks I will judge him before I know. He thinks I hate him. 

I miss the friend I had, I miss him dearly. 

But....I must remember that no matter how I think. He nor anyone else will ever think the way I do. 

No one will think down to the tee. Of what I think. 

No one thinks that the hours we would spend talking, The times we sat with are cam's on all night while he slept. 

No one will remember the plans and the promises. 

I treat him like shit, Yet I have never been able to tell him how he abandoned me. How it forgot me. 
How he left me behind. Or how I miss him, Or how sorry I am for not being able to be there. 

Childish Childish Childish....

Now it is time to take a deep breath, pick up, move on....And get past it. If the solving will not be done between the people. 

I will solve it my self. I will accept the pain cause. I will miss the ones lost. I will go on. 

Forgive me. 

I started taking commissions a few days ago. It sucked. My friend has already starting make some small money from commissions 
I on the other hand only get useless messages from this shitty ass people who say " I'd love to but I have no money " It's like shut up Blah face I need money not whiny faces hole bitch shit.. 

I guess I need to bump up my advertising or something 

Well to anyone passing by this I am taking commissions 

Prices are really cheep right now. 

Character drawing 10 for an inked picture 

Character drawing  15 for colored. 

All my prices really very depending on what you want. Like if you are asking me to do a couple picture with coloring I'm going to ask for a little more then 15 but one character colored is 15. 

that and I'm willing to draw most things.....Most things some are understandable by my standards. 

I have paypal. 

If you want anything send me a message. 

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I think this image is going to be too small but I felt like uploading it. My despair is over ( now that I said it it's going to happen again I know it) 
 I have just been enjoying drawing random shit. And my shading has randomly taken a beautiful jump ^^ 

Oh what can  say about these two. Gilly is the girls name. No she is enjoying this, every moment of this. Boot (the male) May look like a rapist but  he isn't trust me. Her face was meant to be awkward enjoyment. He is tender and soft with her, where she normally is not so sweet. Her body is trying to tell Boot that she is shy about him looking at her. Closing the eye is her trying to hide her self from him, the arm covering her chest she shy about her breasts. He looks at her with tender eyes enjoying the look of his new found lover. 

There hands touching is bringing them closer. Boot telling Gilly that it will be alright, that he is there with her. There tail twisting together though the pink one clings to the grey tail it is still enjoyment of this twisting moment. 

I do so enjoy reading my own art work when I do it mindlessly.  

Clothing is something I dislike drawing. I my self find clothing to be a very strange thing. No I'm not a nudest. but we use is to tease..... to cover the innocent. The soft est and sweetest moment I have ever felt are those first coy moments with your lover where you see each other or feel each other for the first time. 

This character name is Judith, she her self is a mother goddess. I drew her naked I always draw her naked because I want her to always taken on that moment of softness. I want you to trust her, to allow her to care for you like your mother. She is that moment of a mother holding a new born. she is a soft butterfly, a warm summer breeze.

She is beautiful.  

I fucken give up
 I seem to be having this problem the last like two weeks. 
Look at all my friends art. I can not push past this fucken thing I have in my art. 
I fear so much that I can not grow as an artist because when my art seems like it was going some where good
I took one step forward 
and 60 steps back
Now I'm back to horrible per-portions not doing good line art. And having a horrible fight with my sketch book. 
I figure I should just give up and become a high school councilor. 
Seeing as I'm not fucken smart enough to go threw the schooling to be come a physiologist, or some kind of person to deal with the personality of humans 

Art was my only fall back.
Now with this. I don't see how I can fucken go on and bother becoming a selling artist.
I mean i haven't even started selling my art. But I can't see how it's good enough that people want to  buy it. 
When I will be paired with my friend amber to sell it.  I don't see how I can even con pair.
Her stories, her poses her bodies. Her detail.
Nothing I can't conpaire to it.
Or even my friend Kaz
Who's expression and meanings are so beautiful and deep.  Not to mention she goes beyond her likings all the time. 
There ten times better then I'll ever be. They understand things I can't even grasp. 
How the fuck can i even keep up. 

that just the fucken start.
Not to mention all the artist I find on Da And Fa 
Or even on concept art 
or the D&D books 

I just fucken give up. 

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This is Jade isn't she cute. being all sad in a window. Holding an ear ring on a necklace. She really dose love that little goblin
 Here is a lovely person. Baya is her name. She has be come a a great friend to one of my friends characters. Here is she lazying back enjoying her time being naked

Oh Sage your such a tease. 

Oh Naomi you are one of my Favorite people. She is a adorable. Even as a dragon.  

A little Fairy. More Nai as different things. This was a great pose and an adorable fairy. She got reborn after being dead for so long as the most annoying little thing. 

Mmm black and white. So much fun. You have no idea. 

this was a weird character that I have, Emily is her name. And she eats magic once she eats enough magic from someone 
or something. This happens to her. When this happens......I have no idea what happens next. 

Little more perverted then I normally draw this cute Alien. Yes he has no eyes, no nipples and for that matter from what you know. No noise. This amuses me so much ^^ but none the less there people often have a huge amount of pricing all over there body. This starts when there 16. He didn't get any of these until he was a good 30 ish. 

The newest character in my holy-shit-o-pile- of characters XD. She still doesn't have a name. But I know only a little about her. 
Seems even though I want to quite doing art I can't stop. It's like crack I swear

my new personal doodles
 Well I figured I should up date some good art 

Yeah I used to be very close with a young man named Sean. 
He was really my world. A person I could fall on for everything. 
But I have learned that if I am with people that cause there own fucken Drama
and can't grow up. 
I bitch a hell of a lot. So he decided that I wasn't worth knowing anymore after he found a real chick 
after i noticed all of this i made this little comic, rather as i grew over it all. 
I have anger left over. 
But I will not hold on to the pain or the love. 

oh joy mother fuckers
Hey peoples of god knows who would bother to read these. lol 
I'm going to bitch about my art so one moment 


okay  I feel a little better. Now that it's over and done with. I'm going to work at my art. 
And get better so when I'm able to take commission my art isn't the shit whole of shit. 

....anyways here is some other stuff 

No real good updates on art. 
If you wish to check them out here 


I really suck

So I'm really stupid.
 As I had mentioned in my last post. I was switching photobucket accounts. Sadly while in the stupidly hard process of that. I deleted a lot of art. ( it was lagging my computer) Either way Now I don't have any of the entry's I had made before. 

Not even the stupid cute one with me and my boyfriend. *sighs* Oh well I guess it's time to start anew. 
This is my first update since that whole shit happened. And a lot of stuff has. Bitch fits at home. School is stupid as per-usual. My friends are my friends. 

My mood as of late seems a little off from what I am used to being me. My norm is loud, And I say really anything that I feel needs to be said. Living with a friends family I have noticed I have edited my self to the extreme.It's rather scaring me. Where normally I would put my foot down, top lay my own sort of law. I feel I can no longer do so. Now I know my " little sisters" Would both try and say " No you don't " Or bitch about something. Either of them know what I mean. 

I do not say what i want anymore. My friend said it's cause I'm maturing. I say it's cause I don't want to step on her parents toes, and have to move back with my mother. the father and her bother have told me that this is really stupid.  It isn't them I don't want to piss off. It's the mother. 

*deep sigh* I feel like I'm walking on egg shells with her, Maybe it's because she and I are dominate. I am the 'alpha' of sorts in my group at school but here she rules. To step on her toes is to move back with my mother. Don't get me wrong I love my mother. But to live with her again would be the last thing I wanted to do right now.

Thought It also seems as of late my art has fucken sucked I can push Tablet are out. But I looks threw my sketch book then i look threw my friends sketch book. I REALLY FUCKEN SUCH!!!!!
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 To anyone who watches this stuff. 
Most my pictures on here will be off line for a little. 
Due to some stupidly annoying shit with photo-bucket. 
I can't stop getting message from a jackass. 

So I will be making a new account on photobucket. 
So that should end up messing up with all of my pictures on here. 

*sighs* I hopefully will have everything up and going in a little while. 


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